SIGH. I don’t know what to do… I bought my BlogHer 2012 conference pass last year after selling my 2011 pass because I decided at the last minute not to attend. I was so excited at the time and was looking forward to BlogHer being back on the east coast and so close to me in NYC. When it was there a few years ago I had a blast, I was able to commute via car which was nice and I even had my husband pick me up the last night and he got to see the craziness that is BlogHer.

This year has been a total mess for me. It might sound bad, but I have really learned to live my life in REAL life and have let go of most of my online “life”. I feel that it was something that was a long time comin’ because as much as I have found success in the blogging world, I have also always felt detached. I haven’t had a problem cutting back on my output into the blogosphere because I still have managed to get the attention of enough brands to keep me afloat financially. I have a pretty well-balanced work load and a steady following on all social media fronts. I attribute that to getting an early start on the whole SM scene way back in 2007. Yes, it has been that long! It’s insane to think back to the early days when it was just a handful of hopeful moms blogging in their pjs and working with brands for product. My oh my, how things have changed.

Not only have I noticed all the changes, which are both good and bad, I have also noticed myself change. I’m proud to say that I am slowly finding myself again aside from the influence of the blogging world. You see, unless you are a blogger yourself you don’t “get it”. It’s crazy out there and most days are filled with grown women publicly praising each other while behind the scenes they are in a “Secret” Facebook group bashing others. It’s a lot of unnecessary drama some days as well… “How dare this brand ask ME to post about their product for X amount of money… as if!” I have seen a lot of women who would otherwise not be making money, turn down $50 for a post because it’s “insulting” and forgetting the fact that it’s a BLESSING to be home in your pi’s and still make money. There are a ton of women who would LOVE to trade your position with you and glady accept that payment for a blog post.

I think a lot of bloggers have become entitled and forgot where they started. You have to stay humble, treat every project like it’s your 1st opportunity…it might be your last.

That makes me sad. And I see it way too much and I had to get out of the whole scene for a while. I can report that I don’t really “miss it”. I have made great friends and of course I respect the whole thing–I’m still blogging as you can see. However, I’m torn as to whether or not to go to BlogHer because of all of this. I don’t want to fight over swag at a party, I don’t want to feel like a lesser valued blogger because I didn’t get an invite to a “private party”, I don’t want to sit next to a bunch of snobs talk about what PR agency they are working with on what project and hear them complain about the pay, and I don’t want to feel left out of the “cool kids” group because I don’t spend 12 hours a day on Facebook, Twitter, Skype and Google+. ALL of this is how I have felt at one time when around bloggers.

I do want to meet brand representatives face to face. I DO want to sit next to bloggers who are moms and who are passionate about what they do, I do want to leave there with some cool stuff…

I don’t foresee my “Pros” outweighing my “Cons” list at this point… I guess I still have time to sell my pass… and pray about it.